8 years ago today....

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was just about to start college. It was one of those things that I thought I was invincible from. It was a scary time. I didnt want my baby to have to grow up being the middle of custody battles and have to watch his mom struggle just to provide for the two of them. I wanted him to have a mommy and daddy that loved each other and him. So I started looking at adoption.

I went though my church's adoption program. They gave me a bunch of letters hopeful parents had written telling about their families. The first one I read hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew they were the one. But I thought, no I need to give the others a fair chance and read their letters as well. But I kept coming back to this family. I had had a dream about a little girl praying for a baby and they had a daughter that did exactly that.

The next 9months were the hardest. I had so many different people give me their views on what I was doing. Some thought I was an angel for choosing adoption. Others told me I was just throwing my baby away. I also had to convince the dad that adoption was the right decision for us. I was able to meet with the family a couple of times before I had my son. Those visits were amazing. It was like I knew them all along. One of the visits my baby's birth father came with and that did it for him as well. It finally hit him that this was the right decision.

I continued to keep the family updated on my progress through letters. And they told me more and more about their family. 2 weeks went passed my due date and I was still pregnant. I was getting so miserable and antsy. My doctor decided to induce me. So early morning on May 10th I went into the hospital and was put on pitocin. That is some nasty stuff. I had hard labor for 18 hours and 2 hours of pushing. Kendrick J was born on May 11th 2001 at 2:38am weighing 9lbs 7oz and 20inches long. He was a big baby.

I was able to stay in the hospital a couple of days with him and get to know him. May 13th Mother's Day was my last day at the hospital. I had asked that the adoptive family come to the hospital so I could place him in their arms. Even though he had to go to a foster home till all the legal stuff was done (stupid Wisconsin law) I just wanted to be able to see him with their family to make things feel right. It was a very emotional fist Mother's Day for me.

The ride home was so hard to leave with out a baby. But I felt like I had done the right thing. It has now been 8 years since my sweet little boy was born. So much has happened. I found my self pregnant 3 years later and had a little girl. I was so happy that I was still in touch with the adoptive family. I emailed them and asked if they would want to adopt again. So now Kendrick and his half blood sister are together.

Since then they have let me have visits with the kids and have been so wonderful to me. I am so thankful for the adoptive family. They have done so much for me that wasnt even required of them or expected. My birth children know where they came from and why.

Now this Mother's day I am pregnant and married to a wonderful man. I cant wait to experience taking home a baby for the first time. I want to take this time and tell everyone who helped me through that emotional time, Thank YOU! and anyone who had given me a kind word of reassurance that I did the right thing. No matter how much it hurts when I miss them I will never regret my decision to give them up to a wonderful family.

Happy 8th Birthday Kendrick!

My Trip to Wisconsin!

I had been aching to go to Wisconsin. Because I knew it was going to be a long time before I went again because of a new baby coming. I found a great price for a flight into Milwaukee! I left on April 30th. Lisa Lewis picked me up from the airport and brought me to Culver's for dinner! So YUMMY! It made me feel like I was officially in Wisconsin. We even got some fried cheese curds.
Friday my old friend from grade school Nicole Shultz picked me up and brought me to go get my hair done at my mom's salon. I really wanted my hair to look nice for my shower that night. Afterwords she took me to lunch and then for a shopping spree at Babies R Us. She spoiled me so much.
Friday night was my shower. We held it at the church building where i used to go. It was so great to see everyone. I got tons of clothes! I'm so glad I brought an extra suitcase!

Early Saturday morning we drove down to Iowa City, IA and went to see my sister and her family. Her daughter Ivy was born April 13th and she was being blessed at church on Sunday. They took us to a BBQ for mentally handicapped children that their church was putting on. I told my siblings they'd fit right in LOL (bad humor) Afterwords we headed back to their house for our own BBQ. Nicole's in-laws were there. It was so great seeing them. Our family knows them from way back. We went swimming at a hotel that Nicole's brother in-law and family were staying at. It was so fun to play in the water with my siblings!



Sunday was Ivy's blessing. My brother in-law Steve gave a wonderful blessing. He has always been so great with words. Ivy looked beautiful in her long white dress and headband that her Grandma Courtright made for her. My sister made her a little bracelet. Unfortunately all most all my pictures from that day are on my cell phone and I couldnt get them to upload right on to my computer. We had a really yummy Hawaiian Pork for dinner. After the BBQs and the Pork dinner I dont want to see another pig product for awhile! We headed back to Wisconsin that night.
Monday I did a whole lot of nothing. Just sat around the house till my siblings got home from school. We took my brother Andrew to the mall to get some shoes. Then when I got back my friend Melissa picked me up and we met our freind Korri for dinner at Pedros (always have to visit there!) Our waitress was Sunni Spencer, a girl that was in my church growing up. Crazy!

Tuesday my friend Bobby Jo Picked me up and brought me back to the airport. My flight back was awful. Lots of delays and horrible turbulence. I am so glad to be back.
I missed Vaughn so much. It felt so good to be back in his arms!

Busy week!

This has been a crazy busy week in the Bigham household. Poor Vaughn missed a lot because he had to go out of town for work and worked many late nights. The great thing was I didnt have to make dinner all week until last night! My mother in-law Christie graduated from BYU this week. So we had some out of town guests come to see her graduate. My sister in-law Maren and her daughter Lydia came up from Arizona. And my Father in-law's father and his wife came over from Colorado. It was great spending time with them. Maren is still in town so we are still able to enjoy her and Lydia. I thought I'd share some pictures with you from the week.
6000 graduates! Thank goodness they didnt call them by name


My In-laws Gordon and Christie


My sister in-law Maren and my niece Lydia


Me and Lydia


Lydia saying hello to Layla. Come out and play cousin!


Lydia and Uncle Vaughn


Our nephew William

Emotional Roller Coaster ride at Child Birth Class

So I have to tell you about my emotional roller coaster of a day I just had. Vaughn and I went to a child birthing class at the hospital. It was one of those all day things from 10am-4:30pm YAWN! As soon as I walked in class feelings just started coming back from when I went to a birthing class when I was pregnant with Kendrick. I almost started crying when it was my turn to introduce myself. I told them about Kendrick and Taryn. There was a girl next to me with her mother and turns out she's placing her baby for adoption. My mouth just dropped and I almost started crying again. It was like watching myself 8 years ago. Buts she is a bit younger then I was she is 17.

I had such a hard time keeping it together will these pregnancy hormones. Also watching all the videos and being able to have a loving husband there to get excited about everything that we were learning I was just bursting with joy. We took a tour of the hospital and I kept thinking that next time i'm there I get to have my baby and leave with my baby. It was nice that this time I got to really listen to the part about taking care of a baby but then my heart started to break for the girl sitting next to me that wont be taking hers home. And knowing what she must be feeling listening to it and what she's about to experience.

When we went on our lunch break Vaughn and I ate lunch with her and her mom. I talked to her about my experience and told her about ideas of keepsakes and stuff. Her's sounds like it will be more of a closed adoption because she dosnt think she'll be able to handle a more open one. When class was done I gave her my name and number and email. I hope she lets me know how everything goes. She actually lives in Florida and the adoptive family lives in Connecticut. But the agency is here in Utah so for some reason its all taking place here in Utah...strange.

When I was walking out to the car I just burst into tears. Just all the memories coming back but then at the same time being happy that that girl isnt me anymore. I have a husband and a stable life for my baby. I never thought this day would ever come. It makes me really realize god does love me. No matter how much I've screwed up in my life he's always made something good come of it. I am so glad I found the family that adopted my kids. I love the relationship we have. Sometimes I wonder why god blesses me so much but I stopped asking why and just am so thankful now!

Thanks for reading I just had to get this out.

Our Easter

Our Easter this year was full of events. Saturday we went over to Vaughn's parents house and watched all his little cousins search for eggs in the back yard. Then we started to have a wienie roast but it started raining. Some of the brave boys including Vaughn roasted them for us and brought them inside. It was so fun to see all the little ones enjoying their loot.
Sunday there were two baby blessings to go to but we ended up only being able to go to one because of my sleepless nights I've been having. Vaughn is affected by them too poor guy and the baby isnt even here yet. We went down to see Andy and Lynn's daughter Elizabeth be blessed. Unfortunately my batteries in my camera died so I didnt get any good pictures.
While we were there at church we ran into my friend Melynda's husband. Turns out they are in the ward that meets before Andy and Lynn's so crazy! So we stopped by their house so I could visit with Melynda who is due in September! Then we went to have lunch with the other pregnant girl in the Kelson family Emma, John and family. We enjoyed our Easter lunch at Village Inn. Watching little Johnathan making silly faces. Afterwards we went and met the rest of the Kelson clan back at the church and we got to hold little Elizabeth. It was so nice to see everyone. We went home pretty tired from all the events. Emma did take some pictures of me and Vaughn and my 28 week belly. Boy do I look like I'm done or what! Still have 12 more weeks to go though.

Ivy Nicole Courtright

We are Aunt and Uncle again!

My sister Nicole had her baby girl today! After like 20 hours of labor Ivy Nicole Courtright came into the world at 4:24pm weighing 7lbs 14oz and 20 1/2 inches. This is the pic they sent me via cell phone. I cant wait to go see her on May 2nd!