Saturday, April 18, 2009

Emotional Roller Coaster ride at Child Birth Class

So I have to tell you about my emotional roller coaster of a day I just had. Vaughn and I went to a child birthing class at the hospital. It was one of those all day things from 10am-4:30pm YAWN! As soon as I walked in class feelings just started coming back from when I went to a birthing class when I was pregnant with Kendrick. I almost started crying when it was my turn to introduce myself. I told them about Kendrick and Taryn. There was a girl next to me with her mother and turns out she's placing her baby for adoption. My mouth just dropped and I almost started crying again. It was like watching myself 8 years ago. Buts she is a bit younger then I was she is 17.

I had such a hard time keeping it together will these pregnancy hormones. Also watching all the videos and being able to have a loving husband there to get excited about everything that we were learning I was just bursting with joy. We took a tour of the hospital and I kept thinking that next time i'm there I get to have my baby and leave with my baby. It was nice that this time I got to really listen to the part about taking care of a baby but then my heart started to break for the girl sitting next to me that wont be taking hers home. And knowing what she must be feeling listening to it and what she's about to experience.

When we went on our lunch break Vaughn and I ate lunch with her and her mom. I talked to her about my experience and told her about ideas of keepsakes and stuff. Her's sounds like it will be more of a closed adoption because she dosnt think she'll be able to handle a more open one. When class was done I gave her my name and number and email. I hope she lets me know how everything goes. She actually lives in Florida and the adoptive family lives in Connecticut. But the agency is here in Utah so for some reason its all taking place here in Utah...strange.

When I was walking out to the car I just burst into tears. Just all the memories coming back but then at the same time being happy that that girl isnt me anymore. I have a husband and a stable life for my baby. I never thought this day would ever come. It makes me really realize god does love me. No matter how much I've screwed up in my life he's always made something good come of it. I am so glad I found the family that adopted my kids. I love the relationship we have. Sometimes I wonder why god blesses me so much but I stopped asking why and just am so thankful now!

Thanks for reading I just had to get this out.


Nicole said...

We love you too! Don't hesitate to call us if you need anything!

mom2cherreys said...

I'm glad you and Vaughn were able to do that together! Jay never had the chance to do it with me, his work always got in the way! It was so kind of you to help that girl out, I hope she keeps in touch with you. It's always nice to have someone who has been there before.

Kamilla & Matthew said...

You are a much stronger, braver person than I am. For a couple of reasons. First one being that wow, after having a baby and loving him more than anything in the world, I can not imagine having to give him up. And you did it bc you knew it was the right choice, that is why God blesses you (among other reasons). Secondly & on a lighter note, I couldn't bring myself to go to the birthing class bc it freaks me out! So, your all around much braver than I am. ha ha I am so happy for you to be a mommy, you'll be a great one!

Lindsay said...

Oh sweet Jeanie! The things hormones do, huh? It is an amazing thought of bringing your baby home. I don't think one person will blame you for your roller coaster ride. I know I don't. It's amazing what Heavenly Father has planned for us, and how He lets us grow from our hardships and help others along the way. I'm sure that young mother felt better after seeing a lady that had been through a similar circumstance do so well. It gives hope. I love you and your strength and example. You are an amazing lady, Jeanie!

Jules said...

Thank you for calling me on Saturday so I could cry happy tears with you!