8 years ago today....

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was just about to start college. It was one of those things that I thought I was invincible from. It was a scary time. I didnt want my baby to have to grow up being the middle of custody battles and have to watch his mom struggle just to provide for the two of them. I wanted him to have a mommy and daddy that loved each other and him. So I started looking at adoption.

I went though my church's adoption program. They gave me a bunch of letters hopeful parents had written telling about their families. The first one I read hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew they were the one. But I thought, no I need to give the others a fair chance and read their letters as well. But I kept coming back to this family. I had had a dream about a little girl praying for a baby and they had a daughter that did exactly that.

The next 9months were the hardest. I had so many different people give me their views on what I was doing. Some thought I was an angel for choosing adoption. Others told me I was just throwing my baby away. I also had to convince the dad that adoption was the right decision for us. I was able to meet with the family a couple of times before I had my son. Those visits were amazing. It was like I knew them all along. One of the visits my baby's birth father came with and that did it for him as well. It finally hit him that this was the right decision.

I continued to keep the family updated on my progress through letters. And they told me more and more about their family. 2 weeks went passed my due date and I was still pregnant. I was getting so miserable and antsy. My doctor decided to induce me. So early morning on May 10th I went into the hospital and was put on pitocin. That is some nasty stuff. I had hard labor for 18 hours and 2 hours of pushing. Kendrick J was born on May 11th 2001 at 2:38am weighing 9lbs 7oz and 20inches long. He was a big baby.

I was able to stay in the hospital a couple of days with him and get to know him. May 13th Mother's Day was my last day at the hospital. I had asked that the adoptive family come to the hospital so I could place him in their arms. Even though he had to go to a foster home till all the legal stuff was done (stupid Wisconsin law) I just wanted to be able to see him with their family to make things feel right. It was a very emotional fist Mother's Day for me.

The ride home was so hard to leave with out a baby. But I felt like I had done the right thing. It has now been 8 years since my sweet little boy was born. So much has happened. I found my self pregnant 3 years later and had a little girl. I was so happy that I was still in touch with the adoptive family. I emailed them and asked if they would want to adopt again. So now Kendrick and his half blood sister are together.

Since then they have let me have visits with the kids and have been so wonderful to me. I am so thankful for the adoptive family. They have done so much for me that wasnt even required of them or expected. My birth children know where they came from and why.

Now this Mother's day I am pregnant and married to a wonderful man. I cant wait to experience taking home a baby for the first time. I want to take this time and tell everyone who helped me through that emotional time, Thank YOU! and anyone who had given me a kind word of reassurance that I did the right thing. No matter how much it hurts when I miss them I will never regret my decision to give them up to a wonderful family.

Happy 8th Birthday Kendrick!